What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He passed out mid-signature
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
