She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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