but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
