this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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