You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
