There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
