plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
