Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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