So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
