You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
