If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
