Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
