it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
