Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
