capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
