i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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