haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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