So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize