I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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