I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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