oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would fuck him just for his dog
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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