I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
