i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize