Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
