I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
