I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
