So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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