im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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