She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
