I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
