aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
