dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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