he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize