dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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