her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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