I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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