I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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