I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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