I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
