Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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