i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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