***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
