ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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