oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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