Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
