So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
