we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
