i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
