i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize