Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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