My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
