my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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