Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
