I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
