woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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