Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize