I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
