He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
