Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
