the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
