hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize