Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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