Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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