You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
