Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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