before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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