sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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