dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
