If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
