we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize