I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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