she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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