last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
